1.19.2009

Home.

Rolls


This morning I woke up at 6:30 as I have been for the past few days, despite crawling into bed around 12 or 1 each night. Each night I've been desperately tired, begging my body to just sleep like it's supposed to and that I'll wake up around 8 or 8:30, well rested. So this morning, I just laid there for like three hours, getting more and more bitter at the world, because obviously how could this be my own fault? I finally decided to get up and shuffle into the kitchen to find something to eat, and as I walked through the curtains, when I saw... SNOW! Snow! Snow... in my backyard! (It rarely snows in Nashville..) So I took advantage of this lovely peaceful morning (trying not to think about having to work tonight) and made cinnamon rolls and a pot of coffee, and cleaned the kitchen. Good morning.

So... new blog banner for a new year. I took this photo this morning because lately I've been thinking alot about life, I suppose about just life in general. This tends to happen after I watch Elizabethtown (or most any Cameron Crowe film.. the man is genius). I have a bad habit of questioning everything. Why can't I just have faith, or take things for what they are? Why is this so hard for me, normal people can go through life without doubting or questioning, why can't I be one of those people? I'm even questioning why I can't be one of those people who doesn't question. But when I start doubting I feel like everything, every relationship and purpose to job, to future, to life, everything is ripped from its ground and shaken violently, and then eventually put back where it belongs. And by the time the dust settles, it's time to do it all over again. I suppose you could call it a kind of restlessness, or a horrible trend of discontent. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever settle down in one place, or keep just one job for years, or if I'll ever be given a "calling" as so many other Christians get but maybe I just don't. I feel alone a lot lately. I don't even want to do photography right now. I don't know what I want to do. Maybe I won't know until it's there. Maybe something will click in my life some day.

Home.


I've moved around several times since graduating high school, and attended four different colleges in four different states before finally attaining an associates degree in photography. And now I live in Nashville and work at a coffee shop doing nothing I ever studied in all of my four colleges and six years of education. A year or two ago as I was leaving Little Rock, one of my good friends, Lakey, gave me a treasure- a mermaid drawing by her 8 year old daughter Mia, which she put on wood. She gave this to me and said that every new place I moved to, I could hang it on my wall and it would be my home. And I have hung it or put it somewhere visible, in every place I've lived since. I love it. It marks where my home is. And for now, Nashville is my home, our Forrest Avenue House is my home, the Frothy Monkey is my home, the Anchor is my home. I have questions but I think if I didn't have questions, how else would the Lord teach me faith? or Patience? or Trust?

Keep me in your prayers if you think of me. It's just a difficult season but spring is close.

2 comments:

Mike Dalton said...

The day will come.

The sun will rise.

and we'll be fine.

suggs said...

girl dont stop questioning! and dont give up on those questions either! "sometimes questions are more important than answers"